Day 75.

So I'm failing at keeping up with my blog. Sorry about that.

I have, however, been writing semi-faithfully in my journal. I figure I'll just type up some of my random thoughts, shove them together, and put them on a platter for you all to read off your screens.

Luke 6:35
"Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High because he is kind to the
ungrateful and wicked."

Things to do downtown:
-National Theater tickets
-V for Vendetta
-Jockey Chocolates
-Print out Interbus crap.
-Be happy and secure.





It's all the little things that make up a person -- the stray hairs, the shoe laces, the melodies we sing to ourselves, the words we like to say. And then we take each one of those little things and we share it, offering pieces of our self to be examined and enjoyed. But how much of that is us? Not something we found or something we heard, but something we are? When do we begin to dig deep enough that our real selves are exposed? And when do we know that some one else has exposed their real self?

Luke 6:38
"A good measure pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap."

It's hot today. And I'm older.






You are a light.
You are a punching bag.
You are innocence and a reminder of how far your 16-year-old mother has fallen from it.
You are a smile and a heartbreak, a time-bomb ticking away the happy seconds.
You are a walking, talking, wailing, flailing photograph of your father, who may never know your face.
Or know too much of it.
You are an accident and an embarrassment.
You are a reason to stay alive.
You are beautiful and terrible.
You burn old dreams and plant new ones in the ashes.

You are a LIFE.
You are a miracle.






Scavenger Hunt List:
-signature from a gringa/o
-25 pieces of trash
-heart-shaped rock
-grass crown
-hat
-something shiny
-an animal
-three flowers
-something made from wood
-a hair tie
-something yellow
-a pen
-chapstick/lip gloss
-a book
-a drawing of a lion
-a watch
-the left shoe from some one NOT in your group
-a bead
-Marielos's favorite color
-a key





What does it mean to love these girls?

I see these smiles and I think, "Now what? They will be here for 3 hours -- they will know fun and freedom for that short, short time, and then they'll return to their homes where they must cook, must clean, must provide."

Is that what this is? A brief escape from "real life"? I've heard something else called that before. Drugs.

I want real biscuits and gravy. I want to explore Chicago. I want to start my future and look older in all my facebook pictures.

REALITY CHECK:
While Tom and I were guffawing over youtube videos and Rolemodels, a girl took rat-poisoning in a futile attempt to end her life. Her sister just watched.

But I'm sick of the shock factor. I'm done with listening and immediately thinking, "Now THIS will be a good story to post tonight!" I want to tell about life -- not successes or tragedies, but about life.

I want to do more, but I don't want to burn out. I need time alone. College is going to be so hard for me.

Overall, I think I'm getting better at listening. But maybe I'm just becoming more boring.





Dear God.
Let me learn how hard life can be. Please don't let me be cynical.




How I see Ecclesiastes:
What do you get for working all day?
Generations come.
Generations go,
but the earth is the only steady thing beneath us.
The sun rises,
The sun sets
then it hurries back to its beginnings.
The wind blows south,
The wind blows north,
it goes around and around in a circle called "world".
Every river runs to the sea,
but the sea is never full.
Rivers too return to the rain from which they came.
Everything is exhausting,
more than our mouth can make sense of.
Our eyes have never seen enough,
our ears have never heard enough.
What happened will happen again,
what was done will be done again,
there is nothing new under the sun.
Is there ANYTHING you can look at and say "Wow! Now THAT is original!"
It's already been done, already been thought.
We don't remember who died yesterday.
We won't remember who dies tomorrow.

Luke 7:13
"And when the Lord saw her,
his heart went out to her and he said,
'Don't cry.'"

-Hannah